I still do not understand why 40, 50, however many years ago it became common practice to discourage new mothers from breastfeeding because formula was better. How could something that your body was designed to do be wrong? Breastfeeding was, and is, very important to me and I've planned to do so for a year if at all possible. I had heard that one of the best things I could do was commit to it while I was pregnant. So, I read a couple of books, I talked to the lactation consultants before she was born, knowing having a preemie would create additional challenges, and I did my best to mentally prepare myself for 2 things...1) I knew it would be difficult, stressful and possibly painful, and 2) I knew my supply may be an issue since I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, one of the leading causes of infertility and affects 5-10% of women).
Now I wonder...perhaps those doctors didn't really think formula was better, they just were trying to protect their patients from losing their sanity or feel like complete failures because breastfeeding is SO DANG DIFFICULT! Well, it is for me at least. I firmly believe that we'll work though the challenges but good grief. I am so tired of having to use a nipple shield, especially since it still hurts! She won't even consider latching on without the shield, though. I'm tired of pumping, which I still have to do several times a day, and even so I don't know if I'm going to be able to produce enough for her. I'm tired of still having to fix a bottle (1/2 expressed milk, 1/2 formula and formula smells so terrible) after nursing sometimes for an hour. And lately she's started pulling off a lot during a feeding. We think she may be showing signs of reflux. Oh, and did I mention that even though I'm using the stupid nipple shields, it still hurts? A LOT. Not to mention I think I spend 6-7 hours a day nursing, pumping, fixing bottles, washing bottles, and feeding her bottles.
I assure you that yes, I know it will get better, yes, I know it's normal for it to be difficult, yes I know she's little and she's learning, yes, I know it's okay if I have to supplement or if it doesn't work out. I know I need to relax. I know it helps to strip her down to her diaper to help keep her awake. Yes, I am eating lots of pasta and potatoes (which is so not good for my PCOS/insulin resistance) and yes, I'm drinking lots of water. I'm very lucky that there's a good breastfeeding thread on the PCOS forums and those moms are a great deal of support for me.
You don't need to comment or call, really I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know in case when you call or come by you hear things breaking in the background. It's just my boobs venting some frustrations.Oh, and in the photo...doesn't it seem like she's mocking me?
