Pickled Okra

By now most, if not all, of our 5 readers have heard the news that we are expecting baby number two this summer, dubbed "Pickled Okra" by Charles.  We are obviously very excited to share this with the internet, in case anyone out there hadn't already heard. :)

This baby was a bit of a surprise as we had been going through infertility treatments off and on again for over two years (moving put a bit of a kink in the schedule) and we though the last round of medication before we left Kansas had been unsuccessful.  However, much to our surprise and delight, indeed, I left Kansas for Colorado almost 7 weeks pregnant.  Yes, 7 weeks, right around the magical time when you start to feel awful. Nauseous, tired, and all that fun stuff.  Needless to say Charles really bore the brunt of the work for this move and I was constantly reminded of what a lucky lady I am!  The adjustment to the altitude also proved to be difficult for me, both those first few days we were here in December, and then, unfortunately, again when we returned after our trip down South.  But slowly I have been feeling better and finally this house is taking shape!  (More on that to come...I promise I do have pictures, people).

A little over a week ago we received some not-so-great news. I heard from my doctor that my quad screen results came back with elevated alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) levels again.  This is the same result that came back with Emmy, and resulted in my being sent to the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) Specialist and ultimately being diagnosed with having a severely growth restricted baby (IUGR), put on bed rest, and eventually delivering Emmy at 33 weeks.  AFP is a protein made by the baby and actually the levels are tested for in the quad screen test because high levels can indicate a neural tube defect, like Spina Bifida. AFP is found in high concentrations in spinal fluid, which in the case of a neural tube defect would be leaking into the amniotic fluid and causing higher levels in the mother's blood. In Emmy's case, my doctor said she believed the AFP levels were elevated because her blood was mixing with my blood when the blood flow through her umbilical cord would reverse flow through the cord in between heartbeats.

At least, that's the best I understand it.

Now for the good news: today I was scheduled for genetic counseling and a second level ultrasound today at the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist office (off post) and the baby looked great, even measuring a few days ahead of the estimated due date.  (When Emmy was first measured at 22 weeks she was measuring already a week behind).  Right now, there's no cause for concern.  We are HUGELY relieved. We spent the past week worrying the bed rest could be in the near future.  And, while they couldn't be 100% sure, both the doctor and the ultrasound tech were both fairly certain that it is another GIRL!   

There's still a chance a chance we could face growth restriction issues again so they will monitor her growth every few weeks for now, and weekly the closer we get to the due date in early August.

I spent the week making a lot of preparations "just in case" so the good news is our freezer is full of meals, Emmy has a new dresser (so her old one can go into the nursery), we picked out a crib, and we found a couple of baby-sitters.  We are actually ahead of the game! 

Thank you all for your prayers for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby!

Our well baby...er, um, toddler

I have neglected to update the blog as regularly lately, I apologize! Our week last week post-vacation was crazy busy, for reasons I'll get into later. I promise I'm trying to catch up!

Emmy had her 15 month check up the Monday after our return. She grew 1.5 inches and she is now 28 inches tall. She weighed 17 lbs, 7 oz and her head is 45 cm. Her height and weight are still less than 5% but her noggin is 50%. She has a big head!

We were SHOCKED to hear she only weighed 17 lbs 7 oz!! We were sure she was 20 lbs, or at least darn close to it. Dr. J is not worried about her weight, although she would like to see her get closer to the curve, but she is growing and that's what counts. She's a healthy weight for her height, too. Dr. J said she is surely burning even more calories since she's walking. She almost wishes she wasn't walking, but it's great that she is! The nurses laughed to see her toddling around the office...Nurse F said "she's too tiny to be walking!" Developmentally she is right on track for her actual age, so that is great news! Hopefully by the time she is two she will be caught up physically to children her age.


The biggest change this time was Emmy was NOT happy to see Dr. J. She didn't like to let her touch her, although it's not Dr. J who gives her the shots! She was even less happy to see Nurse G come in to give her shots. :( Man we hate that. We have altered the vaccination schedule a bit so she gets the more spread out, so she got 2 at 12 months, 2 at 15, and she'll get 2 more at 18 months. One of those will probably be a flu shot at 18, so we'll have to take her back for one more later on. Dr. J has been great about helping us work through this!

I just cannot say enough good things about Dr. J and her office. While I wouldn't say the care we would have gotten on post would have been bad, there's just so little consistency of care, I feel much, much better having the same doctor follow her. Plus, some friends of ours recently had a VERY bad experience with their son who is a few months younger than Emmy. We're talking a nasty doctor filed a report with social services on them, which included her falsifying reports. Needless to say the claims were baseless and they took their son, Emmy's pal Ryan, to Dr. J and that made all the difference. We will definitely continue to take her off post for care, no matter where we are, for a few years.

So, we have a happy, healthy 15 month old. Yay!

Fight For Preemies

Last month I missed blogging on October 15th in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. This month I certainly don't want to miss mentioning that today, November 17th, is in honor of Prematurity Awareness.

I doubt I will ever be able to see a premature baby on TV or read another parent's story about their premature infant without getting tears in my eyes. I'm not sure six months later I can even put into words what it was like to see her hooked up to all those tubes. And we were so, so blessed that she did so well and never needed breathing support, never had any major complications. I cannot fathom the strength it takes a mother who has to watch her baby go through such ups and downs as some preemies do, to drive back and forth to the hospital for weeks and weeks and weeks.

But thanks to research and organizations like the March of Dimes these babies actually have a chance. When Emmy had her PICC line put in, someone (one of my nurses? Dr. L? I can't remember) noted how amazing it is that they can put PICC lines in such tiny babies. How far medicine has come that babies born so tiny and so sick can thrive!

I am still a bit sad about what I missed out on not giving birth to a full term baby. I missed out on bonding with her right away, we missed out on getting to breastfeed right away, which has contributed to all the difficulties, I missed out on those last few weeks of pregnancy and anticipation and preparation. I spent the last the last few weeks of my pregnancy in fear and frustration. But in the end I have this tiny, perfect miracle who is, so far as we know, completely complication free. How utterly amazing.

Premature birth rates continue to rise and we need to keep searching for answers and preventions. Today is dedicated to raising awareness about premature birth. Thank you, March of Dimes, for all you do to raise awareness and continue the search for answers.

6 month check up

Today was Emmy's 6 month check up. She is 11 lbs 7 oz and 22 inches long. She needed a nap so she was a little fussy, but when Dr. J came in to examine her she gave a few smiles for her. Dr. J was happy to see her smiling and "standing" and to hear that she's rolled over and is laughing, etc. All good things for her to be doing.

Unfortunately, Emmy fell off the growth curve this time. She did gain and grow longer, but she gained less than 2 lbs and grew only 1/2 an inch. The good news is that her head grew and is still in the 5%. I'm admittedly a little disappointed, but perhaps she just had a big growth spurt before our last visit and another one is on the way. Dr. J wasn't terribly concerned, but she does want us offering her a bottle after every feeding, which we are already doing. She does not want us starting any solid foods yet, which we're in agreement with, just a bit surprised with how emphatic she was about it. At her four month check up she said she prefer that we wait until she was at least six months old, but was pretty casual about it. This time I was really expecting her to say to start when we saw X,Y,Z signs and when we thought she was ready, but she wants us to wait until her next appointment at 9 months. She doesn't think she's ready developmentally, and we really don't think she's ready just yet now either, just surprised we may be waiting 3 more months. If we feel otherwise before 9 months, then we'll call her, but for now I'll keep nursing as much as I can and giving her formula. She's been getting very frustrated with nursing lately which is frustrating for me, but we keep plugging along. Until she's on solid foods I don't want to stop.

We did remember on the way home that we haven't been as good about giving her the vitamin supplement she's been on since birth. We were expecting to stop it by now, but we will keep giving it to her. I don't know that this has affected her weight gain, but it certainly can't hurt.

So, say a little prayer that Emmy keeps growing! She's done so well and hopefully she'll be back on track in March! Most of us gain a little weight during the holidays, so hopefully she will, too, she just won't be eating all the sweets and other delicious foods. Ha!

Happy Due Date

Well, today is Emmy's official due date. Today we can start counting her adjusted age in positive numbers! It's hard to believe she's been here almost 7 weeks already. Look how she's grown! Here she is the day she was born and then earlier this morning hanging out in her swing. We are so thankful that she has done so well. What a blessing and a joy she is!

We have to remind ourselves that we can only expect her to be doing things based upon her adjusted age.
In those frustrating sleepless moments when she isn't sleeping well and she's having trouble nursing, this can be somewhat of a comfort.

The last few days have been difficult because she is not sleeping well, and hardly at all in her crib. We've been sitting here listening to her the last hour and she'll sleep, then start to cry, and by the time we get in there, she's gone back to sleep. I'm not talking a little fussing, oh no, she's full on crying! It's wild.

She is, however, doing lots of things ahead of "schedule." She is definitely focusing on faces and objects and she'll follow you a little. She's been trying to hold her head up practically since day one, and she's doing a great job at that. Monday I think she smiled at me, not arbitrarily, but in response to me. That was pretty neat, even if it was a fluke.

Adventures in breastfeeding

Well, I figure it's about time to share with the internet some more of my true self, so be warned.

I still do not understand why 40, 50, however many years ago it became common practice to discourage new mothers from breastfeeding because formula was better. How could something that your body was designed to do be wrong? Breastfeeding was, and is, very important to me and I've planned to do so for a year if at all possible. I had heard that one of the best things I could do was commit to it while I was pregnant. So, I read a couple of books, I talked to the lactation consultants before she was born, knowing having a preemie would create additional challenges, and I did my best to mentally prepare myself for 2 things...1) I knew it would be difficult, stressful and possibly painful, and 2) I knew my supply may be an issue since I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, one of the leading causes of infertility and affects 5-10% of women).

Now I wonder...perhaps those doctors didn't really think formula was better, they just were trying to protect their patients from losing their sanity or feel like complete failures because breastfeeding is SO DANG DIFFICULT! Well, it is for me at least. I firmly believe that we'll work though the challenges but good grief. I am so tired of having to use a nipple shield, especially since it still hurts! She won't even consider latching on without the shield, though. I'm tired of pumping, which I still have to do several times a day, and even so I don't know if I'm going to be able to produce enough for her. I'm tired of still having to fix a bottle (1/2 expressed milk, 1/2 formula and formula smells so terrible) after nursing sometimes for an hour. And lately she's started pulling off a lot during a feeding. We think she may be showing signs of reflux. Oh, and did I mention that even though I'm using the stupid nipple shields, it still hurts? A LOT. Not to mention I think I spend 6-7 hours a day nursing, pumping, fixing bottles, washing bottles, and feeding her bottles.

I assure you that yes, I know it will get better, yes, I know it's normal for it to be difficult, yes I know she's little and she's learning, yes, I know it's okay if I have to supplement or if it doesn't work out. I know I need to relax. I know it helps to strip her down to her diaper to help keep her awake. Yes, I am eating lots of pasta and potatoes (which is so not good for my PCOS/insulin resistance) and yes, I'm drinking lots of water. I'm very lucky that there's a good breastfeeding thread on the PCOS forums and those moms are a great deal of support for me.

You don't need to comment or call, really I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know in case when you call or come by you hear things breaking in the background. It's just my boobs venting some frustrations.

Oh, and in the photo...doesn't it seem like she's mocking me?

Day 1

Today has been a good day. Emmy did sleep last night at least a couple of hours at a stretch. We've done lots of napping today off and on, especially this morning, and pretty much stayed in pjs and robes a good part of the day. (Also an excellent reason to call before you come...it could be scary for an unsuspecting visitor.) She's eating well and as far as we can tell adjusting well. Dr. Brawley asked when he called to check in this morning if she'd seemed confused at all with new surroundings, which is common. However, she seems to be handling it all fine, even with Rags hanging around, which surely is something new for her. She does get the hiccups a lot (which we'd seen at the hospital) and I know it's wrong to laugh AT her, but it's so cute when she has them, and fortunately the hiccups doesn't upset her.

Tonight we gave her a bath and she was very good. Currently I'm listening to her making cute noises in the pack-n-play and hoping she'll settle down for the next couple of hours until time to eat again at 2.

Emmy keeps growing!

Today Emmy is 2 lbs 15 oz! She's doing great and is moving back to all bottle feedings today. She also has been moved to a little room behind the room she's been in all this time because she is doing so well. There are some sicker babies coming in today, so she now has her own private "suite" and the nurses will keep monitoring her from room 6, where she has been all along. I did not ask if her feeding tube was coming out yet, but I suspect they will wait and see how she handles all bottles again for a least 24 hours before taking it out.

I'll be going in at 3 p.m. to feed her and hold her. Then Charles and I will go back at 9 p.m. as well. That's been our routine this week, which is working out well.

I went in for a doctor's appointment yesterday and I'm healing well, so I don't have to go back for 4 weeks. Dr. Larson said they missed me around there. I saw a couple of the ultrasound techs who were happy to see photos of Emmy. They all have been so wonderful to us!

Charles has a four day weekend for Memorial Day, so that's going to be nice. We're going to try and get a lot of little things done since we know once she's home our energies will be focused elsewhere.

I'll post any update and photos later on after visiting her. Hope everyone is having a good Thursday!

No more PICC!

We are thrilled that today Emmy's PICC line came out, so no more IV! Once the feeding tube comes out again, then she'll only be "tied" to wires that are external monitors. She gained weight again and is now 2 lbs 14 oz. Look out, we'll soon have a 3 lb baby on our hands! She's now getting two bottle feedings in a row, then a tube feeding, and she seems to be handling this change well.

"Aunt" Sarah came from Atlanta to visit today. She brought an adorable cross-stitch that she did for Emmy's nursery that has her name, birth date, weight, and length on it. I can't wait to hang it up! We had lunch together, then headed over to the hospital. They let me hold Emmy for a little while since the feeding schedule change meant 3 p.m. was a tube feeding. I'd forgotten my camera, so Sarah took a few photos, including Emmy's "philosophical pose" you see here. Too funny. Thanks for coming to town, Sarah!

We are so excited that our dear friends Lucas and Lisa welcomed baby William Cameron this afternoon. Congratulations you two! We can't wait for Will and Emmy to meet.

What a lucky girl!

I tell you what, Emmy already has a wardrobe three times the size of mine! If anyone was worried about us having enough clothes since we didn't know before she was born if we should buy boy or girl clothes, have no fear. Our fabulous friends and family have taken care of her, what a lucky girl!

Saturday was my "Church" baby shower, thrown by our dear friends. (Thanks Mary Ann, Stephanie, Pam, and Sarah!) Our St. John family loves us so much, it's overwhelming! I had a great time and we have so many beautiful gifts for Emmy to use. We can't wait to get her home and put them all to use.

Mom came down Friday to help out and to be here for the shower. It was so nice to have her here, even just for a day, and she got to be there when we were feeding Emmy on Friday so she had a chance to see her out of her isolette. She's a proud grandmother, for sure!


Beth and Griffin also came Friday to meet their niece! We had a great time with them and they also got to see Emmy while she was out taking a bottle Friday and Saturday. Beth, of course, came to the shower on Saturday while Charles, Griff, and Joel kicked back at the house and played Wii and drank beer. Charles was the chef Saturday night and grilled burgers for all of us after the shower.


And now, what you really want to know...how is Emmy doing? She is doing well! Unfortunately, they decided to put her feeding tube back in Saturday. The nurses had noticed (and so had we) that she was getting very tired towards the end of her feedings once they had increased her intake to 20+ and it was hard to get her to finish her bottle. Plus, her weight leveled off at 2 lbs 10 oz and she didn't gain for a few days. They suspected that she was using a lot of calories and energy eating, so they decided it would be best to let her rest every other feeding and get it through the tube. She wasn't happy about having it back in! They also increased her calories last night by adding a supplement to my milk. Today she had gained and she's now 2 lbs 12 oz, so something is working!! Dr. Brawley seemed pleased. I fed her today at 3 p.m. and at 9 p.m. and I thought she took the bottle faster and it didn't take as much work to keep her awake to finish.

Hopefully a few days of this routine and she'll gain enough weight and energy to lose the feeding tube again. Really, she'd moved so fast this past week, it wasn't a concern that we sort of had to take a step back. She's doing great.

Charles went back to work today until Emmy comes home. Then he will take some personal leave and spend a few more weeks home as we all adjust. He's just trying to catch up and get ready to be out again for a while. We're lucky everyone in the command has been so supportive. He said everyone was asking to see his wedding ring and they were shocked looking at in person after seeing the pictures of it all the way up Emmy's arm! She is a tiny little Pickle.

Thanks everyone for all your calls, cards, gifts, and concern. Your prayers helped get Emmy here safe and they are helping sustain us now. We're anxious to have her home, and hopefully she will be soon!

Happy One Week Birthday!

Today Emmy is one week old! Last Friday seems a million miles away in many ways. What a difference a week makes! She is doing great and she really looks so much better. It's so nice to see her without the feeding tube, scalp IV, and the "sunglasses." She's back up to her birth weight today, 2 lbs 10 oz! Way to go, Emmy.

It's been a busy day for us. Charles went to officially register Emmy on post with our insurance and sign her up for a primary care physician. We've opted to try and use an outside provider so we can have some consistency of care for her. (Children aren't guaranteed to see a pediatrician and it's possible to see a different doctor every time you take them in.) We hope that our request will be granted!

I got my hair cut today (yay!) and then Charles' first sergeant (his right-hand woman!) came by with a card and a gift card from their unit for us and Emmy. What an overwhelmingly sweet gesture!! They have all been so supportive of Charles and I throughout the last few weeks. It wouldn't always have been possible for Charles to spend as much time as he has with me and take care of everything, and we are so grateful. I know it's been hard on his 1SG to not have her sounding board there. She's carrying the load!


We went in to give Emmy a bottle for her 3:00 feeding and hold her for a while. Today they decided to let her eat as much as she wants, but she needs to take at least 20 ccs at each feeding. She took about 22. I was able to get her to eat a little better today. I've fed and changed lots of babies while baby-sitting growing up, but a preemie is a new experience! I also changed her diaper for the first time. The little diapers they have on her are so unbelievably small.

Aunt Beth and Uncle Griffin (Charles' sister and our brother-in-law) came to town today and so did my mom, "Su-Su." We had fun this afternoon opening presents that Mom had brought from several family friends in Greenville, and Charles' Mom and Dad and Beth and Griff. I think Beth bought out Babies "R" Us and Baby Gap! After a quick dinner at the Village Deli, we headed back to the hospital so Beth and Griff could meet their niece. We got there around 8:30 and her night nurse asked if I wanted to feed her. OF COURSE! So Beth, Griffin, and my Mom all took turns coming in to see her while I was feeding her and holding her, then Charles came in to hold her for a minute, too. What a nice treat!!

And now, it's time for bed. Just three more hours and the alarm will be waking me up again...