What's been goin' on

On Tuesday Emmy had her check-up with the developmental clinic at the hospital where she was born. We met with an occupational therapist and a speech therapist, and then their findings were given to a neonatologist who met with us. Essentially, they took a check list of gross motor skills, fine motor skills, and social skills she should have at different ages and just played with her and marked them off. They were looking for her to meet all of the skills she should have for her adjusted age (they were using 4 1/2 months adjusted, 6 months actual although she's really more like 5 months adjusted 6 1/2 months actual). She is doing everything she should be doing for her adjusted age, and is doing somethings in the 5 and 6 month categories. Emmy is completely caught up in the social category (no surprise) as she is quite the happy, laughing, smiley, "talkative" baby and she follows objects, etc. so that's good. She's farthest "behind" her actual in gross motor skills. But they said that's always the last to catch up, and of course at this point there is no concern. They will have us come back in 8 months to evaluate her once more.

One of the items she was listed as just "emerging" in was rolling from her back to her front. She'd done it only once and when she was angry in her crib so they couldn't check it off, but they listed it as emerging. Well, the next day, it emerged. Charles went to get her about 7:15 when we heard her talking in her crib, and she was on her stomach. Later in the morning I put her down on the floor for tummy time and she rolled from her stomach to her back, and then to her stomach again, and she's just kept on! She's on the roll! You can tell she's quite proud of herself.

She's also pushing herself up completely on her arms (also something that was just emerging on Tuesday) and while tummy time was becoming better and better, now she's wanting to be there! This means she's also rolling over to sleep on her tummy, and that's created a bit of a problem. It must not be as comfy as she'd like because now she'll cry when she can't get comfy. We'd just gotten into this great routine where she didn't want to be rocked, really, so we'd put her down and she might fuss a bit, but she'd be asleep within 10 minutes. Now it's taking longer, she's waking up more, ugh. I hope this passes quickly!

Unfortunately the last week she's finally weaned herself from nursing. She was just getting too frustrated with nursing, I guess because she wasn't getting much, and she'd cry for the bottle after just a second. I know I have done the best I can and in some ways I'm relived, in others I'm sad. It just was never the great experience I'd dreamed of and I feel a bit guilty, but I don't regret pushing through to this point. I'm still trying to pump, but I'm getting less and less, so I don't know how long I can keep it up. I'd like to keep giving her that little bit of extra immune support, especially through this nasty cold and flu season, but that may not be in the cards. We'll see! I'm pleased we made it this far and certainly this summer I had my doubts!

Emmy's little friend Timothy has Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease. No fun! Poor baby has had a nasty fever and been so miserable this week. Of course he probably picked it up at church, which has had me worried for Emmy. And then yesterday a low grade fever emerged. But, she has no other symptoms; she's eating fine, she's happy as usual and there don't appear to be any sores in her mouth and no rash on her hands or feet. She's got three little bumps by her mouth, though, and a rash on her bottom, so I'm worried she may have a case of it, too. I'm planning to take her to the doctor tomorrow if they can fit us in just to confirm either way. If it is indeed HFMD, there's nothing they can give her, just Tylenol or ibuprofen to help with the fever and any pain (the mouth sores are supposed to be painful). Of course I'm supposed to entertain spouses from Charles' unit on Tuesday night so I'm anxious to find out if it's a good idea for me to still have them over. Adults rarely get it, but they can carry it and I don't want to infect anyone else. Argh, miserable timing, but as Charles pointed out it's better this week than last week!

Here's Emmy "hanging" her "Emmy's 1st Christmas" ornament and a photo of her with a present from some friends at church for her baptism. It plays "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and she loves it

Adventures in breastfeeding

Well, I figure it's about time to share with the internet some more of my true self, so be warned.

I still do not understand why 40, 50, however many years ago it became common practice to discourage new mothers from breastfeeding because formula was better. How could something that your body was designed to do be wrong? Breastfeeding was, and is, very important to me and I've planned to do so for a year if at all possible. I had heard that one of the best things I could do was commit to it while I was pregnant. So, I read a couple of books, I talked to the lactation consultants before she was born, knowing having a preemie would create additional challenges, and I did my best to mentally prepare myself for 2 things...1) I knew it would be difficult, stressful and possibly painful, and 2) I knew my supply may be an issue since I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, one of the leading causes of infertility and affects 5-10% of women).

Now I wonder...perhaps those doctors didn't really think formula was better, they just were trying to protect their patients from losing their sanity or feel like complete failures because breastfeeding is SO DANG DIFFICULT! Well, it is for me at least. I firmly believe that we'll work though the challenges but good grief. I am so tired of having to use a nipple shield, especially since it still hurts! She won't even consider latching on without the shield, though. I'm tired of pumping, which I still have to do several times a day, and even so I don't know if I'm going to be able to produce enough for her. I'm tired of still having to fix a bottle (1/2 expressed milk, 1/2 formula and formula smells so terrible) after nursing sometimes for an hour. And lately she's started pulling off a lot during a feeding. We think she may be showing signs of reflux. Oh, and did I mention that even though I'm using the stupid nipple shields, it still hurts? A LOT. Not to mention I think I spend 6-7 hours a day nursing, pumping, fixing bottles, washing bottles, and feeding her bottles.

I assure you that yes, I know it will get better, yes, I know it's normal for it to be difficult, yes I know she's little and she's learning, yes, I know it's okay if I have to supplement or if it doesn't work out. I know I need to relax. I know it helps to strip her down to her diaper to help keep her awake. Yes, I am eating lots of pasta and potatoes (which is so not good for my PCOS/insulin resistance) and yes, I'm drinking lots of water. I'm very lucky that there's a good breastfeeding thread on the PCOS forums and those moms are a great deal of support for me.

You don't need to comment or call, really I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know in case when you call or come by you hear things breaking in the background. It's just my boobs venting some frustrations.

Oh, and in the photo...doesn't it seem like she's mocking me?