Pickled Okra

By now most, if not all, of our 5 readers have heard the news that we are expecting baby number two this summer, dubbed "Pickled Okra" by Charles.  We are obviously very excited to share this with the internet, in case anyone out there hadn't already heard. :)

This baby was a bit of a surprise as we had been going through infertility treatments off and on again for over two years (moving put a bit of a kink in the schedule) and we though the last round of medication before we left Kansas had been unsuccessful.  However, much to our surprise and delight, indeed, I left Kansas for Colorado almost 7 weeks pregnant.  Yes, 7 weeks, right around the magical time when you start to feel awful. Nauseous, tired, and all that fun stuff.  Needless to say Charles really bore the brunt of the work for this move and I was constantly reminded of what a lucky lady I am!  The adjustment to the altitude also proved to be difficult for me, both those first few days we were here in December, and then, unfortunately, again when we returned after our trip down South.  But slowly I have been feeling better and finally this house is taking shape!  (More on that to come...I promise I do have pictures, people).

A little over a week ago we received some not-so-great news. I heard from my doctor that my quad screen results came back with elevated alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) levels again.  This is the same result that came back with Emmy, and resulted in my being sent to the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) Specialist and ultimately being diagnosed with having a severely growth restricted baby (IUGR), put on bed rest, and eventually delivering Emmy at 33 weeks.  AFP is a protein made by the baby and actually the levels are tested for in the quad screen test because high levels can indicate a neural tube defect, like Spina Bifida. AFP is found in high concentrations in spinal fluid, which in the case of a neural tube defect would be leaking into the amniotic fluid and causing higher levels in the mother's blood. In Emmy's case, my doctor said she believed the AFP levels were elevated because her blood was mixing with my blood when the blood flow through her umbilical cord would reverse flow through the cord in between heartbeats.

At least, that's the best I understand it.

Now for the good news: today I was scheduled for genetic counseling and a second level ultrasound today at the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist office (off post) and the baby looked great, even measuring a few days ahead of the estimated due date.  (When Emmy was first measured at 22 weeks she was measuring already a week behind).  Right now, there's no cause for concern.  We are HUGELY relieved. We spent the past week worrying the bed rest could be in the near future.  And, while they couldn't be 100% sure, both the doctor and the ultrasound tech were both fairly certain that it is another GIRL!   

There's still a chance a chance we could face growth restriction issues again so they will monitor her growth every few weeks for now, and weekly the closer we get to the due date in early August.

I spent the week making a lot of preparations "just in case" so the good news is our freezer is full of meals, Emmy has a new dresser (so her old one can go into the nursery), we picked out a crib, and we found a couple of baby-sitters.  We are actually ahead of the game! 

Thank you all for your prayers for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!

I know, I know, it's January 9th and my handful of regular readers are anxiously awaiting Christmas photos, updates, and news from our corner of the world. I promise, I'm spending the evening uploading photos and editing them (which totally takes forever by the way) and I promise to try to spend more time updating the blog. Charles' cousin (hi Sue Nell!) sent word that she thinks I need to quit my job so I can go back to blogging and our friend Nancy thinks the same thing. I wish! But, one of my resolutions is to try and do better.

There is so much I have wanted to say, I'm certain I've forgotten most of it. Emmy is hilarious these days. She was 20 months yesterday, so only 4 more months and then we stop counting in months, right? Ha! She talks all the time. I'd say that mostly she is still speaking one word at a time, not a lot of sentences, but she does have some phrases she repeats, and she does put things together. Tonight Charles offered her a toy while she was in the tub and she said "no, thanks." This is even funnier because "thank you" is not a phrase she repeats. Still when we tell her to say "thank you" it's usually a wave of the hand that only slightly resembles the sign, but we know that's what she means. Probably because most of the time when we ask her to say thank you she's too busy eating or drinking whatever it is she'd just asked for.

One of our favorite Emmyisms is her "yes" response. When we ask a questions and the answer is yes, she says, with a big grin of excitement, "n-kay!"
Us: "Emmy, do you want go to get some milk?"
Emmy: "N-kay!"
Us: "Do you want to go to church?"
E: "N-kay!"
Us: "Are you ready for a bath?"
E: "N-kay!"

And on and on. She also tells us "I'm okay" sometimes. We think it's because if something happens like she falls or she gets upset when her milk does get to her fast enough we tell her "you're okay."

The last two days she has started saying "hold you" when she wants us to hold her instead of "hold me", and of course we love that.

It's amazing how fast the vocabulary keeps coming. By the time Christmas was over she could tell us that Santa says "Ho", which cracks us up. She's also at that perfect age where she repeats things, but doesn't always retain it, so my slip up with a 4 letter word when I dropped the computer one day and she repeated what I said hasn't seemed to cause any concern...meaning she hasn't repeated that word again. :) Time to be even more careful about what we say in front of her! Of course there are the appropriate words that come out inappropriately and because we are immature, it is hilarious. Glasses are "asses". That one still hasn't gotten old.

Emmy's favorite game right now is "Where'd it Go?" She will hide something in her hand, under a cup, wherever and say "where'd it go?" Sometimes it sounds just like that, other times it's more like "go go go?", but the inflection is always the same. When the object reappears, she'll say "here/there she is". That's right, "here she is". I think because when we play peak-a-boo with her and she's hiding herself we say "there" she is" and so it's mostly coming out that way. Sometimes it sounds more like it, but it's really adorable.

It's hard to believe that it's already 2011. Christmas was very busy. We had both sets of grandparents and Aunt Mer here. It was great to have everyone here, but it was hectic with our Christmas Eve service and everything going on, not to mention a ridiculous number of presents. We didn't have Emmy open her presents from Charles and I until the day after Christmas. They were first under the tree, so last out, and she was a bit overstimulated Christmas Day (not to mention a bit under the weather with a cold resurgence) so it was better that way. She was a lucky girl! Photos to come soon!

We spent New Year's at our annual getaway while Emmy enjoyed some time with her grandparents. After the busy holiday, it was super nice to have some time away, although of course we missed our girl and she THREW herself into Charles' arms when she ran in the door Sunday after church. It was one of those movie moments and I'm glad I caught a glimpse as she came around the corner. I managed to snag one of those big hugs next. :)

One thing about New Year's is we end and begin each year with the same people...very dear people. Because we don't always get to see each other very often, there's a lot of catching up, and thus in a sense reflection that goes on, whether we mean to or not.

The last few months have been hectic. I like working again, it does give me a sense of accomplishment, but the job is stressful. I like the people I work with, and that's what keeps me going. I've made a commitment through June and I intend to honor it, but there are many days when I wonder if I can make it that long!

One of my primary reasons for going back to work was so to help pay off some debt. We have accumulated more credit card debt than we should (well any at all is not good) in part due to my time out of work and in the hospital (not from bills...from other expenses). We both still have some student loans, Charles' car, etc. We've made a bit of a dent, but we've also made some home improvements this fall (new storm doors!) and had some unexpected repairs to do (our furnace broke). And, we've been on the go a lot. So, we've decided that if we want get close to our goal, we need to make some changes, so we have committed to staying home the next few months. We have one trip we'd already committed to, so we'll honor that commitment, but otherwise until April (when we have a wedding out of town to attend) we plan to stay home. We had hoped to take a trip over Charles' Spring Break, but unless we can find a way to do it super on the cheap, we may have to forgo that as well. We'll see.

So, if you want to see us the next few months, feel free to come visit! The guest room is open!

There are lots of other changes we need to make (or make again) but I think the travel one has been the most significant, and the hardest.

All of this is moving towards another goal...having another baby (and me staying home again for a while). We were very open about the fact after Emmy was born that we would try again when she turned a year. Unfortunately, as you can guess, that isn't going so well again this time and we have been working on fertility treatments for a few months. This is not going to become a infertility blog...I don't feel comfortable putting that out there publicly but suffice to say when we have good news, we will share. We are disappointed, but hopeful.

All of this is also moving towards a move. In all likelihood 2011 will be our last one in this house. We don't know anything for sure and we won't for a while now, but Charles will graduate in December 2011 from his Masters program and then it will be time for his next assignment. That may be the next "Army school" required for his rank, or it may be a new unit, but either way it's very unlikely that we will be staying here. It's time for him professionally to move on, as hard for us as this will be personally.

So, we enter this new year a bit bittersweet and trying not to get bogged down in "one last times". This will be the last Winter, our last Spring planting a garden, our last Easter here, etc. Plus, we have work to do on the house in preparation for putting it on the market in the fall, which is not the ideal time to sell a house, particularly in this market (although our area has fared far better than many others).

Bear with us this year. While we know it may be crazy, we know it will be a year full of great things a new memories! Happy New Year to you and yours.

A year ago

One year ago today I was just over 8 weeks pregnant. In early June of '08 we were shocked and thrilled to find out I had gotten pregnant after just one round of Clomid (clomiphene citrate), a fertility drug. We had been trying for 2.5 years at that point to get pregnant. I'd taken a couple of drugs known to help control PCOS symptoms and help women get pregnant, but to no avail. Finally we had managed to navigate through the system at the hospital on post and get up to the OBGYN clinic for some infertility support. I was VERY lucky to respond so quickly to the Clomid and become pregnant without further intervention. We had just started to share the news with more friends and family and we were so excited! Finally, our baby was on his or her way.

However, Wednesday, July 2nd I woke up spotting more than I thought I should be. So I called the OBGYN clinic and the heard nurse suggested I come in if I could make it before Sick Call ended at 10:30. So off we went, and after several hours and two ultrasounds it was confirmed that there was no heartbeat. The baby had stopped growing around six weeks. I was absolutely and utterly devastated. We both were.

What began on Friday, July 4th is not something I'd wish on anyone. It was a horribly painful experience, physically and emotionally and it's still hard for me to put it into words. While I'm grateful nature "took it's course" without medical intervention, if I were to ever receive such news again I would schedule a D&C immediately. Knowing how long it can take for your body to take care of it on it's own, I couldn't imagine walking around for two weeks waiting. I was grateful that it was a long weekend so Charles was home with me and could bring me food and lots of DVDs to distract me. I'm pretty sure we watched the entire 3rd season of Weeds in 24 hours.

I've read conflicting statistics, but at least 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, some places I've seen that estimated as high as 50%. Many women may miscarry with a chemical pregnancy, which occurs often before they even realize they were pregnant and may just seem like a regular cycle to them. But if you are going through infertility treatments, you are taking that test as soon as possible, sometimes even sooner! This is partly why the statistics for women with infertility problems often are higher. One of my online friends experienced 15 miscarriages before finally having three beautiful babies. I cannot even imagine. When you have waited and waited and tried for as long as many women have, to go from the high of a positive test to the devastating news that your baby has no heartbeat or your hCG levels are dropping is just devastating. (This is not to say that a miscarriage for someone not experiencing any fertility treatments is any less painful, I'm certain it is not).

Quite possibly my blood flow issues/clotting disorder may have contributed to this first miscarriage, we will never know and when we are ready to try to have another baby the doctor has some treatments she will give me to hopefully prevent any problems.

I don't really have a specific point in sharing this with the Internet, other than just to do just that: share. We have been fairly open for a while about our struggles and I think I do so in large part because when we began this journey we knew practically no one who had difficulty getting pregnant, or who had experienced a miscarriage. It gave me comfort to talk to others eventually who had been through it. And, in the last several months I've had friends notice my link to the PCOSA on my facebook page or somehow find out what our story was and they wanted to ask questions and share their infertility struggles. And if I can do that for them, that makes me glad because I'm thankful for those who shared with me. Everytime I see a new post on the PCOS community board for pregnancy loss, or everytime I hear about someone who has gone through a miscarriage, my heart hurts for them.

In the end, we have a beautiful and healthy baby girl to show for it. Would I change it? Of course I would. I'd rather it no have been this way. But I cannot look back and have regrets or wish things could have been differently because that's not the way it works. What can do is be grateful for the end result and the doctors and nurses, not to mention supportive friends and family who helped us get to this point.

This July 4th we're going to take Emmy to the lake and celebrate and make new memories with her, ever mindful of how blessed we are to have her with us!