Adventures in breastfeeding

Well, I figure it's about time to share with the internet some more of my true self, so be warned.

I still do not understand why 40, 50, however many years ago it became common practice to discourage new mothers from breastfeeding because formula was better. How could something that your body was designed to do be wrong? Breastfeeding was, and is, very important to me and I've planned to do so for a year if at all possible. I had heard that one of the best things I could do was commit to it while I was pregnant. So, I read a couple of books, I talked to the lactation consultants before she was born, knowing having a preemie would create additional challenges, and I did my best to mentally prepare myself for 2 things...1) I knew it would be difficult, stressful and possibly painful, and 2) I knew my supply may be an issue since I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, one of the leading causes of infertility and affects 5-10% of women).

Now I wonder...perhaps those doctors didn't really think formula was better, they just were trying to protect their patients from losing their sanity or feel like complete failures because breastfeeding is SO DANG DIFFICULT! Well, it is for me at least. I firmly believe that we'll work though the challenges but good grief. I am so tired of having to use a nipple shield, especially since it still hurts! She won't even consider latching on without the shield, though. I'm tired of pumping, which I still have to do several times a day, and even so I don't know if I'm going to be able to produce enough for her. I'm tired of still having to fix a bottle (1/2 expressed milk, 1/2 formula and formula smells so terrible) after nursing sometimes for an hour. And lately she's started pulling off a lot during a feeding. We think she may be showing signs of reflux. Oh, and did I mention that even though I'm using the stupid nipple shields, it still hurts? A LOT. Not to mention I think I spend 6-7 hours a day nursing, pumping, fixing bottles, washing bottles, and feeding her bottles.

I assure you that yes, I know it will get better, yes, I know it's normal for it to be difficult, yes I know she's little and she's learning, yes, I know it's okay if I have to supplement or if it doesn't work out. I know I need to relax. I know it helps to strip her down to her diaper to help keep her awake. Yes, I am eating lots of pasta and potatoes (which is so not good for my PCOS/insulin resistance) and yes, I'm drinking lots of water. I'm very lucky that there's a good breastfeeding thread on the PCOS forums and those moms are a great deal of support for me.

You don't need to comment or call, really I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know in case when you call or come by you hear things breaking in the background. It's just my boobs venting some frustrations.

Oh, and in the photo...doesn't it seem like she's mocking me?

Just call him Major Dad

We got some great news yesterday! Charles made the Major list, which means he is "promotable" and should be promoted sometime in the next several months. Usually this list comes out in the fall and promotions begin in October, when the new fiscal year begins. With things happening earlier, we aren't exactly sure when this will take effect for him. It doesn't matter, though, point is that it's coming and I am SO proud of him. He went before the promotion board "double below the zone," so essentially 2 years earlier than he was scheduled to. They often look at officers one year early (below the zone) but because of the shortage of majors, they reviewed the records of his year as well. He absolutely did not expect to make the list this year, so it was a wonderful surprise when the unit commander called yesterday morning to congratulate him. Of course, she called at 6:30 a.m., he is on leave, and the commander is a brigadier general, so he was really wondering what had happened to warrant a call from her directly! We're glad it was a good surprise and the building hadn't burned down or something. Haha.

So now we can feel better about taking on a new car payment since a pay raise will be coming his way in a year or so. :) That's right, it's time to say good-bye to the LeSabre. We sold her earlier this week to a lady who really needed a car to get herself to and from work. We're glad it could help someone out! He is loving his new Camry.

Emmy is doing just fine. Currently she and Charles are napping on the bed in her room. We can both tell how much she is growing, which is great. Our little pickle won't be a baby gherkin for too long!

I leave you with a photo of Emmy and Charles napping earlier this week. Rags (not pictured) was also snoozing at Emmy's feet.

Big Baby Bottoms

Cute ruffles on her bottom, huh? No, it's not the ruffles making her rear end look so huge. It's the cloth diapers we are finally able to use! They do look a little ridiculous on her still because they add a lot of visual bulk to her tiny frame. We're glad they fit, though, and we're able to use to start using them. I bought some of the tiniest covers and preemie pre-folds I could find while I was on bed rest and so far, so good. I even washed my first load today with success and dried them in the sun (which really does bleach out stains). I feel like all that research and chatting with other cloth diapering Moms has paid off!

Speaking of moms, we're so grateful for my mom's help this week. We've had a good week and been well fed and cared for. And we know we've gotten some extra sleep thanks to her extra hands. She is heading home tomorrow and we haven't killed each other yet! Thanks, Mom, for everything!

Emmy's still working on sleeping in her crib or pack-n-play at night. She slept for almost a 4 hour stretch last night...of course that was in the bed with us, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I'm not opposed to co-sleeping, I just don't think it's for me. Emmy, however, currently disagrees, so we're working on a happy medium.

There's some fun news to share, but I must go for now. It's Emmy's dinnertime, so I'll post that later on.

I'm one month old today!

Emmy is one month old today. Her Great-grandfather Hawley, "Poppie," would make a sign for Dad and Uncle Mike on their birthdays when they were growing up that said "I'm X years old today," something he continued for us granddaughters. In this grand tradition, we decided to take a one month photo today of Emmy, and we'll continue to do so as she grows. It'll be fun to compare!

Emmy had an eventful day. We returned to the pediatrician for her follow up PKU test today, which involved pricking (well, cutting) her little heel and filling 6 circles on a form with blood. Yuck, it was not fun for any of us. She did great, though. She's also now 4 lbs 6 oz. Grow baby grow! We'll continue to take her once a week for the next couple of weeks for weight checks.

This evening our friend Lizzie came by for a visit with her baby, Timothy. Timothy was born the day I was admitted to the hospital, April 15th, so he's 3 weeks and 2 days older than Emmy. And he's a loooot bigger than she is. He's grown like a weed since he was born and it was so fun putting the two of them together. He's such a flirt! I imagine these two will be great friends. Timothy joins big brothers Corey, Aiden, and Simon. His mom and dad, Lizzie and Jamie, go to church with us. Lizzie has been a great cloth diaper and breast feeding info. resource for me! She brought lots of diapers that Timothy has already outgrown, and two CUTE dresses she knitted. THANKS LIZZIE! You can see more fun things she's made on her blog.

My dad had to head back home yesterday to go back to work. Here's a photo I took of Emmy while she was hanging out on the sofa with Big Daddy (who is not pictured). We know he was sad to have to leave, but we know we'll see him soon. And, we're super glad Su-Su stayed a few more days. With all the help cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, and helping with Emmy, it's tempting to have her move in...haha.

She still prefers to mostly sleep while being held, but she did settle down in her crib for a little while last night. She will sleep with us some, if we have an arm around her. I think it doesn't have as much to do with being held so much as she doesn't like to sleep flat on her back. She prefers to be propped up, or to sleep on her side or tummy. She's been such a good baby, though, we can't complain! Sleepless nights come with the territory. Your parental badge of honor, as someone told us.

An eventful two days, for a baby

Yesterday was Emmy's first visit to the pediatrician. We liked her very much and we are hugely relieved that she'll be followed by one doctor (well, there are 2 other partners she may see if she's sick, but you get the idea). She weighed 4 lbs 2 oz! What a huge relief to her Mama who secretly feared that she'd have lost a little now that she's home and nursing every feeding. We'll keep taking her in once a week for the next couple of weeks at least to make sure that she's gaining still. She also has to have the PKU screening for infants repeated on Monday (GA requires it to be repeated for low birthweight babies at one month).

She passed her hearing screening before she left the hospital with flying colors and a repeat cranial ultrasound showed no signs of any bleeding. All very good things! We will take her to see a retina specialist in a couple of weeks to ensure that she has no vision problems, also common among preemies. Finally in November we will take her back to the developmental clinic at the hosptial where they will evaulate her to ensure she's hitting all her milestones. Right now we expect her to hit those milestones based on her adjusted age, which is based on her due date. She may do things like sit up, etc. a little sooner, but nothing to worry about if not.

Today one set of grandparents arrived for a weekend visit. My mom and dad are here for a couple of days and are very excited to see her out of the hospital, as you can imagine. It's great to have them here, especially since Mom cooks and does laundry. :)

It's time for her evening "meal" so I must go. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Day 1

Today has been a good day. Emmy did sleep last night at least a couple of hours at a stretch. We've done lots of napping today off and on, especially this morning, and pretty much stayed in pjs and robes a good part of the day. (Also an excellent reason to call before you come...it could be scary for an unsuspecting visitor.) She's eating well and as far as we can tell adjusting well. Dr. Brawley asked when he called to check in this morning if she'd seemed confused at all with new surroundings, which is common. However, she seems to be handling it all fine, even with Rags hanging around, which surely is something new for her. She does get the hiccups a lot (which we'd seen at the hospital) and I know it's wrong to laugh AT her, but it's so cute when she has them, and fortunately the hiccups doesn't upset her.

Tonight we gave her a bath and she was very good. Currently I'm listening to her making cute noises in the pack-n-play and hoping she'll settle down for the next couple of hours until time to eat again at 2.

Welcome Home Pickle!

Emmy's home!! Dr. Brawley called yesterday morning and said "what are you doing tomorrow?" Yay! We are so excited. We got to the hospital around 11:30 to get our final instructions and pack her up and head home!

We stopped by 4 South again to take some jars of strawberry jam Mom made for my nurses who took care of me while I was on bed rest. We had visited with a couple of our favorites the day before and showed them photos of Emmy. They loved seeing her! We are so grateful for the great care that the gave to all three of us.

Alice was her nurse again today and she was all ready for us! There were lots of instructions from everything to her vitamins and the formula supplement we'll be giving her for a few more weeks (and WOW is it expensive!!) to bathing, follow up appointments, etc. The paperwork was all signed (we had to confirm that yes, they were sending us home with the right baby). Then we dressed her, had a quick visit with Dr. Brawley, and we headed down to the car. Lots of her nurses (she had more than 22 the 3+ weeks she was in the Special Care Nursery!) stuck their heads in to wish us well, and thank us for the jam (thankfully Mom made lots). They want to see photos and hear updates! Again, we're so grateful for the excellent care.

Stephanie and Joel were on standby to come take photos and Steph was the before 1:00 volunteer, so she met us at the house. She let Rags outside so then we came in with Emmy first, then Rags came in. She was very excited to see her! She's still a little uncertain about all this activity, but she likes her and wants to kiss her.

It's been a nice afternoon just having her here with us. I got a nice long nap in since I didn't sleep well last night and Charles and Emmy had some good Daddy-daughter time.

Plenty of photos are posted. The beautiful dress that we brought her home in was made by our brother-in-law's grandmother, Ma May and it is so sweet. She made it extra tiny for her. How special!

We can't wait for everyone to meet her! Please call if you would like to come visit. We need to be extra careful about germs since she's so tiny, but we can certainly have a couple of visitors each day. We'll definitely be handing you some hand sanitizer when you come by. :) We also ask you to wait a bit if you've been sick or been around anyone who is sick.

Thanks again for all your support and prayers! We're so blessed to have such great friends and family.